A friend has just texted me, she’s on holiday in Greece and has just finished reading my book whilst lying on the beach. Her words are abundant with care and compassion for me and I respond with sincere gratitude. Wow, I think, my book showing my beautiful girl’s face on the cover is lying on a beach in Greece. There are over 8,000 copies in circulation around the world, 8,000 Martha’s – what a thought, wouldn’t that be wonderful, I daydream? That thought provides me with so much comfort, as I’m sharing my girl with the world and keeping the essence of her alive.
Strangers reaching into our world and being taken on our journey doesn’t perplex me, or make me feel insecure. It fills me with wonder and hope as my words are read and digested, complete strangers languidly taking in the fallout of the tragedy and watching as I look into the skip that contains the remnants from my life as I pick out morsels to use in order to start again. The contents may be broken and imperfect, but I surprise myself by making good use of the most unlikely odds and ends.
I’m looking into a crystal clear pond, the world beneath the water lives and thrives, as my reflection floats on the surface, a flat mask rippling full of possibilities. A slight change in my expression can present what lies beneath my face to the world and depending on what my expression represents to them during their brief glance, all sorts of emotions can be provoked and stirred.
We are all interconnected, each individual playing a crucial part. Some listen, others talk, some advise, others ask for help. All our natural tendencies and desires being played out in this game called life. Lessons learnt and mistakes made. Mountains to climb and roads to travel. Moments when we struggle and others where contentment resides. A constant desire to laugh alongside solemnity, where tears of joy and sorrow fall.
If you don’t love, you won’t feel the loss of a loved one. The loss I feel is equivalent to the love I have for her – an unquantifiable loss, a loss that left my ribcage stripped empty and left open to the elements. If my love for her was any less, my loss wouldn’t be so great – so I embrace the loss I feel for her as that represents how much love she gifted my life with. A love so great that it still radiates out of every pore in my body, up through the top of my head into the sky and around the world, through the soles of my feet and back into my heart. A never ending circle carried in our memories and through our dreams.
Although our innate desire to love and be loved carries great risks, we are all naturally programmed to succeed in our quest for the ultimate human connection of love. Therefore, I have truly succeeded and fulfilled the most natural human instinct and within that I have experienced the most profound emotional freedom that love can fill us with. Like standing in a meadow on a blustery day, the wind hitting our cheeks, leaving us feeling reinvigorated and refreshed. But ultimately, reminding us of how beautiful, powerful and cruel nature can be - leaving us feeling vulnerable, but so very alive.