There was joy in my heart all day today. I was dazzled by sunlight on my cycle ride into the City this morning – it obliterated the dark shadows that linger within me. It felt as though Martha’s beautiful character was dancing around me and contentment was abundant.
I’m curious about this as there’s no tangible reason as to why I feel this way today, but I’m incredibly grateful for it. I breathe in every microscopic morsel and hold it dearly, relishing and revering it as I am never sure what tomorrow will hold for me.
Freeze-frame today and repeat it daily, lightness, a smooth gentleness and nothing much to challenge, nor cause me concern. Aahhh, yes, like a pair of old familiar slippers that are contoured to the shape of my feet already, the shape of the sheepskin inside the slippers awaiting the match and snugness my feet provide when slipped inside. You don’t think about it, but it’s there quietly making you feel better.
Martha bought me a pair of sheepskin slippers for my 40th birthday – she was so proud that she’d bought them for me and I still wear them now. Something so simple still provide me with a little bit of comfort, now they have a completely different meaning. They bring thoughts of her back into the present, when I look down at my feet and see the slippers she lovingly bought for me 3 years ago now.
That’s the thing about life, who’d have thought I’d be sitting here wearing the slippers my dead daughter bought for me when she was 13 years old. Unfathomable really, but I comfort myself by remembering how exceptionally proud she was of herself when she gave them to me and I hold that moment now and smile to myself. I also laugh when I think that she also went on and on about how much she’d spent on them and I told her that when you buy a gift for someone that you mustn't mention the price – but that didn’t deter her from reminding me frequently that she spent all her money on them.
How many miles I will walk in these slippers from here on in is uncertain, but the familiar comfort they provide – well, let’s just say that you couldn’t possibly put a price on that.