One day I came home from work to Martha who was sat on the sofa looking rather sheepish. She looked up at me coyly - at first I thought the late afternoon light was playing tricks on me, but then I realised that Martha was bright orange of a shade that in a dulux catalogue would have been described as deep tropical peach. I tried to stifle my laughter, as she was looking really sorry for herself.

The story goes that she had 'borrowed' my fake tan which was a clear liquid and after applying it once - didn't think it had worked, so she applied it again and again. She had then gone to bed and overnight it had developed.

She said 'they're calling me wotsit at school', well that was it - I burst out laughing and she joined in momentarily, but pleaded with me to help her remove it.

We had a look on the internet and found out that salt and lemon juice was an effective way to remove it - so we set to work, but nothing shifted. We tried using an exfoliating pad, to no avail.

So for the next few days I had a wotsit for a daughter and Martha never borrowed my fake tan ever again.